i failed ..

have you ever totally failed someone .. you don't realize it until later that it has happened .. you sit and process the events that happened and then think to yourself .. wow .. you totally dropped the ball .. i had a moment like that yesterday .. i let my poor friend dangle out on a limb .. flailing about .. just waiting for me to stand up and say .. hey wait a minute .. and while i said it just loud enough for the people around me to hear .. i did not say it loud enough for my friend to hear .. she is the one that mattered .. she was the one that was dangling out on a limb .. i should have stood up and very loudly announced to the entire room .. excuse me .. you have your facts wrong .. but then you start to second guess yourself and say .. really you would have stood up and shouted it loud enough for everyone to hear .. to call attention to yourself in the middle of a service that was NOT about you .. you would have risked the embarrassment to your friend .. to her family .. just because some guy got his facts wrong .. how would your friend have felt .. would she have been mortified .. would she have sank lower into her seat and wished that she was not there .. or worse that i was not there .. 

its a tough call .. but i think that i would want my friends to do that for me .. to be there in my time of need .. to worry about what is being said when i am not in the frame of mind to do so .. to know that the words that were misspoken were like daggers to my heart .. i would want that .. because i am sure that later .. after i had time to process it all thru my brain .. that that very moment would confirm the devotion and love of a friend .. 

another thought .. i have also decided that never again will i sit in the back if i have to leave early .. i was more worried about disrupting the service .. about being polite .. i SHOULD have been worried about my friend .. i SHOULD have sat right next to her and held her hand and hugged her shoulders and told her that i was so sorry .. so sorry for her loss .. so sorry that the pastor misspoke .. so sorry that her heart was broken .. instead i sat in the back .. away from friend .. out of her reach ..

she needed me .. she needed me to hold her hand ..

 to stand up and say hey wait a minute you are wrong .. 

she needed me to rescue her from her limb ..

instead i sat in the back and left early ..

next time .. i will shout out loudly .. 

i will sit by friend in need and i will stop the service and draw all kinds attention to myself as i crawl all over people so that i can leave early if need be ..

because what matters the most is my friend .. 

not the disruption ..

a lesson learned the hard way and at the expense of a broken heart ..